Rory “Stokpot” Stewart, the BBC’s candidate to replace Theresa May as UK Prime Minister, stormed into the second round of the contest yesterday.

He established a decisive lead over Andrea Leadsom, Esther McVey and A.N.Other, and now proceeds full steam ahead into Tuesday’s next round.

“I’m a lot closer to becoming PM than I was yesterday or even the day before”, he stated.

A BBC spokesperson, interviewed in The Guardian canteen, said: “There is tremendous support for Rory at grassroots level, and particularly around where I dine in Islington and Cambridge”.

Another backer, speaking from their college rooms, said: “He’s exactly our type of Conservative, in the best traditions of Cameron, Heseltine, May, and Heath. He espouses Conservative-sounding policies to get votes, and then enacts our policies”.

A third endorser, unnamed but influential, spoke glowingly of Rory’s credentials as a One Nation Tory: “A MacMillan for the Millennium”.

And Rory does not lack for support from our European partners: “un très bon oeuf”, said one. “Un complète oaf”, said another.

So there it is; he’s as good as PM already, at least if it was LibDems, Greens, Labour and the European Commission doing the voting.